I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
