Christians are straight up FREAKS
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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