This house was built for laser tag.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize