It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You've changed since you got that strap on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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