I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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