Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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