you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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