I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everclear isn't food dammit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
