Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.