What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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