He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
