My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
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it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.