I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
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biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN