Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
