Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
