It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I spit up blood this morning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?