She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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