just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
