john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
