so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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