Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
