Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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