My nipple is on Facebook.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
