We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
