Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
