You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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