Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
