I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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