so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
