My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize