I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
