i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
