I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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