I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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