Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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