i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
