I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
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