Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
