you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
