I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.