3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.