I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle