fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
