Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
