Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
