he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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