hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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