His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
