i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
