Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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