My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
