the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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