My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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