Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
