and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
