well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
