we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
