I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry about my life...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
