That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
