So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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