Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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