I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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