remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
