My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
