we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
