Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
MIDGETS
????
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
