he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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