mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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