Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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