Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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