i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
