just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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