When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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