Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
only you would photoshop your dick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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