why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
