Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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