Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
