i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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