i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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