After last night, I could never be a politician.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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