so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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