Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
