At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.