i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage