She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.