Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.