this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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