...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
