Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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