update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
