it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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