I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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